Random Thoughts : Insecurities

I can not sleep last night, there are few things that bothered me last night. I dont know, I should not have to think about this. But the more i tried to shut my eyes the harder i fall asleep. Maybe just maybe, this few things bothered you as well. They are beauty and future.

I know, i shouldnt think about my body but i can not. I was so stress last night because i have few acnes big one and i felt like they are covering all over my face (Re: acne) I know its just small thing and yet its normal to have an acne because of hormone, but for me its big deal, i do want to have smooth yet glowing without pimples in my face. I feel i am not pretty because i have an acne, i tried everything to remove them but they are just keep coming from no where. I eat healthy, but still it doesnt work. It makes me uncomfortable to go outside, its just shamefull for me.

Second one, i keep gaining weight. I hate gaining weight, who loves it by the way. I am at home and its hard to control wahtever i ate, then i didnt do workout for almost 3months. Thats very sad. I hate this feeling, means i have to go diet and workout. And by gaining weight i dont like wearing tanktop or sexy dress because i have big arms. Like very big.

I know that you girls or even boys maybe feeling about this at least once in your life time. You know its normal, i am just making drama in my life that both of that things really matter for me. Its just a big liar that someone said “the only matter is pretty inside” oh bitch shut up, you dont know anything, your bae wont see first if you are often giving your money to beggar but first your face and body.

I do need help, I do need positive mind that i dont have to think about this. But for me everytime i go outside its my own catwalk and i dont want to dissapoint my audience by showing bad apperance. No never in my life.

But you know, if you have money means you have everything by everything i mean include pretty face. Well pretty hurts just like Beyonce said, so do whatever makes you pretty, Victoria’s Secret Angels have made new “standard” of being pretty and its unfair. No dont follow them, just be your self, buy cheap lipstick and expensive skin care, buy size S at H&M ( i gained one size to S before i used to buy XS ). Just remember, everytime you go outside its your own catwalk use and wear whatever you feel like you are Kendall Jenner, always looks presentable, fuck the people who used to mock you “fat” or “getting fatter” they dont know your struggles.

XoXo

Lots Of Love

Rosi